You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
