i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
