she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
