eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
