I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
