This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
