I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
