would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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