Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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