Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
