So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
