she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
