I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
