I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
