We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize