You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
