I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
