i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
