EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Terrible idea I love it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
