This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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