there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize