I skipped work to stalk him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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