WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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