As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
