Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
