I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
even my farts smell like vagina
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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