How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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