Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
