Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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