I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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