what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize