Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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