And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
