I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize