he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
