North Korea, Best Korea!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize