my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
