I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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