When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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