i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
