when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
