just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
