You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
