420 ftw
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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