the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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