ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
