Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
