my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
