i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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