It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
