Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As shirtless as possible
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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