Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
