stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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