May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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