why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
