Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
