I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
