During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
