Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
