Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
