Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
