so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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