the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
