Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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