we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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