just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
