He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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