literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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