Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
