Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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