My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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