On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
