she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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