i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
