1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
