All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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