She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
last night I used snow as a chaser
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
