I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
