thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this will be a night to untag.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
