I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
