We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize