that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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