You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
