So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
