I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
