Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
