Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
