Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
