I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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